I am beginning to work on a solo about expectations.  This will be performed at The Garage in San Francisco September 15 and 16, 2010.

I am interested in logging my exploration on this topic online, which is kind of weird because it is public.  Part of me feels hesitant to put these thoughts out there, but I think that to some extent the “publicness” of the blog might help foster a deeper conversation with myself and perhaps with others, too.  Feel free to send any thoughts you might have, if anyone besides my sister and boyfriend  actually read this.

I have shards and scraps of paper with notes and musings on expectations.  Somehow handwritten language–with its crossing outs, filling ins, doodles and disorganization demonstrates the type of stream of consciousness that I feel is important within creativity.  This being said, my own handwritten notes will continue in addition to these more formal posts.

This project started with thinking about expectations and what I feel they are based on in my life experience and current situation.  To me expectations are: standards, dreams, reality, hopes, desires, passions.  The list began to expound and grow to include such things as: privileges, disappointment, excitement, naiveté, assumptions.

It is important to note that I am writing about expectations as a young, caucasian, middle class woman who comes from a background in liberal arts and fine arts.  Someone who was raised in a middle class, loving family.  All of these things among many others color my view on this topic.

As I delve deeper into my experience with expectations (societal, personal, familial)–I realize that expectations are largely intertwined in our socioeconomic, cultural, ethnic and gendered backgrounds.  For me expectations and dreams weave in and out of each other.  So many of my expectations were partially forged out of dreams that I had.  But because expectations can lead to disappointment or disillusionment, I think it can be easy for our dreams to start to tarnish.  Part of this is the reality of growing up and realizing that nothing is perfect or idyllic–nothing is really how you imagined it would be.  Part of this is, for me anyways, our (or my) difficulty in letting go of ideal/standards/expectations and going with you get and where you are.  Even as I say this I feel as though I need to clarify this statement by affirming that I don’t mean to be complacent.  This just goes to show the (my) difficulty in just letting things go and not feeling like you have to clarify, make excuses or make up for what you didn’t do or have done.

~ by Laura Blakely on May 4, 2010.

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